Nonsense Humor / Adventura Humora

2006-07-25T20:20:00.000+04:00

My experiences with ……..truth!!

Tuning in to “Khana Khazana” one fine evening, I realized one of my biggest weaknesses, there were just three things in this world that I could cook – like any typical bachelor – Anda Bhurji(scrambled eggs), Maggi noodles and curd rice. As you can see, the list is not very exhaustive. Drawing inspiration from the program I made up my mind …on what could be one of the biggest decisions in my life (the other significant decision was probably whether I like Strawberry flavored ice creams or butter scotch!!); I will learn to cook… After much investigation and introspection I decided that the first item I will learn will be “Dal Makhni” … and the saga begins…

Being in the software field for quite a while now, I decided that I will go with the Software development lifecycle methodology for this too. First phase was the requirements gathering… did an extensive Google search to find out the ingredients for an authentic Indian “Dal Makhni”. The next phase was to set up my development centre.. “the kitchen”… since I was staying in a house belonging to an Indian all the utensils were already present… from a local Bangla shop in the vicinity got all the ingredients… including lot of dishwashing liquid…Concerning the gravity of the situation I also contacted the local astrologer and found a suitable “Muhurtham” for the task and there I was.. all set for the D-Day!

On the auspicious day, took all the precautions like helmet and all information needed like the local fire force number and also the location of Fire exits, just in case!! As expected the first trial was a disaster, too much salt, chili and oil!! Also there was a smoke cloud above my place… after extensive trials for the next few days the impact was visible, not on the taste of my Dal Makhni ofcourse. The sales of oxygen masks at the local supermarket quadrupled, rumours were floating around that the President of the US finally found the location of the WMDs-Weapons of Mass Destruction and also the prices of crude oil increased on account of excessive demand!!

All said and done, after extensive trials I finally decided it was time for some “User Acceptance Tasting”. I invited a friend over for dinner, I informed him that he was “the chosen one”; his immediate reaction was to call the insurance company!! He ate the food reluctantly along with couple of litres of water . The next day I heard that the friend of mine left for India citing “classified” reasons. There were jokes all around the place that back in India mothers would threaten their children to have food by saying “If you do not eat your food I will give you arun’s dal makhni” with encouraging results.

I made up my mind yet again… cooking is not my forte…and in the better interest of mankind… I quit…. Next day again the program “khana khazana” was aired… I thought why don’t I try Pulao next time…I had quit Dal makhni…
Next day I heard that the whole onsite team had absconded…

Wada Pav to Lasagna in 2 days

2006-06-03T17:51:00.000+04:00

WARNING: Long text ahead.. read slowly..@ ur own risk...
Note: This mail was typed in out-of-office hours ;)

Wada Pav to Lasagna in 2 days
A warm wednesday evening(Dt:10th May 2006) was staring out of the Sanchek office window, admiring the birds and the bees, the weather,the air, and coming to the point, the nurses and the doctors in Sancheti Hospital, when a small pop-up @ the right hand corner of my window indicated that "You have got Mail"... The mail was from the LDD(for the not so informed and for the non Satyam guys it stands for Local Delivery Desk!!)... Heres the mail:
---------------->
Hi Arun (What he meant: teri tho lag gayi)

CONGRATS!!!! (repeat: teri tho lag gayi)
You have a visa appointment tommorrow morning in Mumbai... 10:30 nonIST..token no. 50...(repeat: teri tho lag gayi, tu tho gaya)

Regards,
LDD
---------------->
also before leaving i had to submit a set of documents as well as fill the visa forms in an hour...!!gosh.. tommorrow morning... well.. its show time... 4 photos!! ran to Fotofast near Deccan... they said this Fotofast is Not-so-Fast and it will take 2 hours.. time i had with me...1 hour...then ran to the Bund Garden Fotofast...it took twenty minutes. and lo i had a fine picture.. hair not combed as usual... sweaty face... tired look... finally came back to office filled in the forms and gave it to the LDD who was also waiting for me... time 8'o clock... went home.. slept got up very early in the morning... reached Bombay.. the only nice part abt the whole incident was that i managed to reach Bombay quite on time.. thats like 4 hours before time!! At the consulate i had to wait for another 2 hours because mine was teh last token for the day..!! after i reached the counter all my documents were accepted... and then oops.. where is your Insurance... "what insurance .. nobody told me...." then she said teh sweetest thing... If u dont submit the insurance ur passport wont be released!!".. ok ok.. i called up rahul our LDD.. he responded quickly by emailing me the Insurance...all i had to do was take a pront out and submit it... well... next 2.5 hours wer spent in searching for a cyber cafe with a color printer(Observation: if in Fort area in Mumbai contact me for the details of all the cyber cafes in and around that place!!!) after that i called up Amar(one of my very good friends) with whose help i was finally found one... took a print out and submitted it... the journey back as very pleasant... it jus took me 6 hours to reach pune by pragati Exp(supposed to be amongst the fastest, but when i boarded no pragati only durgati ;)..)

Finally Friday--> the whole day was spent in approvals... i visited certain places which i never had done before... like the Library to get a no dues clearance...!!friday 7 o clock... one approval pending... no ticket no forex... called up the concerned person he had to approve from home.. got the tickets forex.. time 9:30...
...called up Yash booked a qualis with his help... morning 8 - Saturday... left Pune... went to amit's house to get some stuff(classified)... then reached mumbai @ around 2 o clock in afternoon... i had called in my mom and bro also from Cochin to Mumbai airport... spent two hours with them... finally it was time to say goodbye... i boarded the aircraft... and the last thing .. i finished off all my prepaid balance.. finally thought all that ends well is ... (whatever that saying is..)
......the beautiful airhostess got a bottle of water to drink... and then an announcement... "Due to fault in the cargo door we will be late by around 1 hr".. i hr over.. 2 hrs over... 3 hrs over...finally @ 5 early morning... the crew accept defeat and say..""The aircraft will leave tomm evening @ 11:30 in night.. PAKKA.."" we were taken to a 5 star hotel... the next day...another bad news.. the aircraft has to be grounded for next 48 hours.. but do not worry we will accomodate all the passengers on other flights..!! Time from 7:30 in evening to around 2:00 in night was spent in standing in serpentine queues...finally @ night i got my rerouted flights... Mum to Frankfurt.. Frankfurt to Amsterdam... again all the procedure right from checking in to immigration to security repeated... finally @ 4 AM boarded the flight... then FRA and then reached Amsterdam safely...
...... And so now i am in Amsterdam....after all the ramayan thats what i wanted to actually say.. :)

Corporate Governance

2005-08-31T01:51:00.000+04:00

Had thought about it long time back... little serious... ;)

Corporate Governance is a fancy term for the way in which Directors and Auditors handle their responsibilities towards Shareholders and other company Stakeholders. One can think of it as the system by which corporations are directed and controlled. Typical Corporate Governance measures include appointing Non-Executive Directors, placing constraints on management power and ownership concentration, as well as ensuring proper disclosure of financial information and executive compensation.

The concepts of Corporate Governance have been used successfully across corporations worldwide. One could think of a new form of Democracy wherein the aforementioned principles are put to practice. The investors can be thought of as the Citizens of the country in this context. The whole concept can be viewed as a ‘Democracy based on Business Models'. The representatives of the people will be MBA Graduates or Post Graduates in Management or Political Science. There would not be any ‘Political Party' concept; it would just a team working together. The Government in this case would be a panel similar to the Board of Members in any company. The Opposition again would constitute the people who have lost and would keep a strict vigilance on the rulers or rather more appropriately Managers. Five years is a very long time for rapid economic growth of any country. Similar to the Stock Exchanges there would be Populist Exchanges, wherein the popularity of one particular individual could be measured and when the index falls below a certain limit, the Manager would be replaced by someone from the opposition. This would enable the Managers to get active feedback from the citizens on their pol icies and governance. So there is no groupism involved. Neither fixed Ruling Managers nor fixed Opposition.

In this form of governance there is no chance of corruption as the performance levels of a particular individual determine whether he or she stays in power or not. In this performance-driven form of governance, we also have the best people in the business ruling a particular country. It would be an example of how educated people can make a difference in the development of a particular nation.

In a country like ours', where corruption and mismanagement are an integral part, this form of governance will surely help, although its practical implementation might be impossible. There are some key areas like Finance, Defense, and External Affairs, where this principle can be put to effective practice.

Comments, Brickbats, Enhancements, etc. on the above school of thought are welcome at

arun_nair@satyam.com
arunnairp@gmail.com

2005-08-31T00:03:00.000+04:00

HEIGHT OF CHIVALRY!!!

With due modesty, nonetheless no tall claims, i considered myself to be one of the most chivalrous guys walking around in this world. However there are times in life, when your deepest pre-notions are crushed... and you return back to ground reality.. ;).. maybe for being truly chivalrous you need loads of luck.. not just thought ;)

Anyways the incident:
Circa : 2005

Venue : CCD aka Cafe Coffee Day @ Bangalore Airport

Time : Sometime in the evening

Event : Some friends of mine Leaving Onsite to US

Here it goes:

As the famous saying goes "When you go for some important work, you end up coming late while the others out there to see you off arrive half an hour early" .... for those who are wondering why they have not heard it even though its a famous saying... well... with due modesty... its a self composition... : ) ...

So as expected... the friends whom i were supposed to see off... were caught in a traffic JAM... wonder why it only happens to the people who are going and luck always has it.. the people coming to see off end up ... without any traffic snarls... maybe another one of those Murphys laws i should say....

Now... another friend of mine... named Shilpa by her parents... called by a variety of names by others in the gang... also ended up coming early.. we had to kill time... the first person expected at the airport... Ranganath aka Ranga ... could take another hour atleast...

So we decided to go to CCD to have a cuppa Kofi ... as mentioned before ... being the chivalrous person i am ... the conversation went...

Me: Will have mocha ... wat abt you...

Her: Me too will have Mocha... (to cashier) ... How much

Cashier: seventy five ONLY ... : )

Me: Ahh... Ok no probs.. Me will pay...

Her: I will Pay...

Me: No ways... i will pay... please gimme a chance to treat you...

(the dots just imply that the conversation went on with each other arguing that he/she will pay... pretty monotonous.. so the dots.. )

Finally..

Her: Ok baba.. Anna .. u can pay..

Me: (with a sense of accomplishment...) Ok ...

Like one of those stylish millionaires i take out my purse, only to my horror to see only two orangish Gandhi eyes staring at me from my wallet... (well ... orangish BCOS IT WAS A TEN BUCK note...) ... i had JUST twenty rupees in my wallet...!!!!!!!!

So stood there with no other option... but to .... ya ya i had to ask her to pay...

And the cashier and all others at the cafe were in splits... much to add to my embarassment.... ;)

2005-08-30T23:49:00.000+04:00

R- DAY Parade !!

Another year passed by with no untoward incidents being reported.. well for folks who have not guessed whats happening or what we are talking about... the event in question is.... well... ahem ...its "Raksha Bandhan"..the very thought of which can crack one's spine...remembered a very famous shayari that i had heard a few years back...

"" Cham Cham Karthe woh aayi... Cham Cham karthe woh chali gayi...
Mein haath mein sindoor leke khada tha ... Woh Rakhi bandke chali gayi..!!!""

With all this in mind, thought i should have the courage to face it all, with a deep heart and a sense of apprehension i made it to office. My fears may be mainly attributed to the fact that i have a nickname which can put any normal person having affinity to femme fatale to depression.. yes.. " ANNA " .. well the origin of which i myself am not sure.. only know that in most of the South Indian languages it means " Big Brother" !! .. And the day of reckoning had come... my skills will be put to test...I had to escape all the Apsaras with the Brahma-Astra in their hands..

Kept a very very low profile in office.. as if i had ceased to exist... sat in one of the cubicles in the corner to avoid detection... So much to the extent that i made sure a friend of mine was on guard... All the people asking for me especially of the female species were passed through a sophisticated R-Key(or Rakhi in locale langauge) Scanner... and thoroughly checked for any WMD..ya Weapon of Mass Destruction.. !!!... Thankfully the day passed off peacefully.... for a change i was watching the other colleagues of mine being chased by their office crushes... in all commotion it seems they forgot ME.... In my opinion this sight would have given anybody from Kodak a new Idea for their Ads!! ;) .. Lotsa Kodak Moments happening... For a change i was not part of the action... and was a spectator to the fun...

Jokes apart, the day ended with Shilpa tying a rakhi... as usual the chingoos brother that i am i still have not got her anything... everyday i wake up with a resolution to buy something for her... then its the usual stuff...company..client..work work and more.... and still pending....

Then i think about the richness of our culture, a culture which attributes such a special meaning to this relationship and i feel proud of my identity of being Indian. I am sure there is no other place in this whole wide earth which celebrates human life and relationships with such grandaeur.

Many God bless all the Brothers and Sisters ... ;) ... And also give enough courage to the guys running awaying from Apsaras with .... WMD.... Ciao ...

2005-07-22T17:42:00.000+04:00

CONTENT MANAGER CONVERSATION !!!

Please find below one of the most corniest of all E-Mail conversations :
Harsha, well a very good friend of mine and Nair, Arun thats me .. ;)
Well XXXXX is the name of the client i work... XXXX to conceal the identity ;)

****** WARNING *********
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK ...
Start from bottom ;)
*************************

-----Original Message-----
From: Nair,Arun
Sent: lundi, 31. janvier 2005 16:02
To: 'Harsha_Lakshminarayanan'
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: This aint no Content Manager, glad u found it out, this was FBI in the disguise of Content Manager.
Regards,
FBI,
Vevey Funiculaire

-----Original Message-----
From: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Sent: Monday,31. January 2005 11:18
To: Nair,Arun
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: We skip to square four, just to make things a bit more interesting.Contents of this mail were deleted because of too many ASCII symbols beingused in the mail.
FYI, Mr.Innefficient content manager.... you forgot ur signature...nae-naae-nae-naaee-naaee.... you-forgot-ur-signature.....

Regards,
Content manager
Satyam

-----Original Message-----
From: Nair,Arun
Sent: Monday, January 31, 2005 3:37 PM
To: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: We are also back to square two.
Contents of this mail were deleted because it contained foul language and dirty words.

-----Original Message-----
From: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Sent: Monday,31. January 2005 10:58
To: Nair,Arun
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: We are back to square one. The content of this mail has beendeleted because the mail was too long.

Regards,
Content manager
Satyam

-----Original Message-----
From: Nair,Arun
Sent: Monday, January 31, 2005 3:21 PM
To: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: ODC please read the mails carefully, we have escalators here so wewill escalate the matter.

Warm Regards,
Content manager,
XXXXXX BTC

-----Original Message-----
From: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Sent: Monday,31. January 2005 10:40
To: Nair,Arun
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: There are no escalators in Satyam.

Regards,
Content manager
Satyam

-----Original Message-----
From: Nair,Arun
Sent: Monday, January 31, 2005 3:06 PM
To: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: Ah this seems to me as a fight between Content Managers of Satyam and XXXXXX. The matter will be escalated.

No Regards,
Content manager
XXXXX BTC

-----Original Message-----
From: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Sent: Monday,31. January 2005 10:33
To: Nair,Arun
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: This mail was cannot be deleted without pressing the deletebutton!!!Oh! and b.t.w the contents..... were ruthlessly deleted.... as usual.... by me!

Regards,
Content manager
Satyam

-----Original Message-----
From: Nair,Arun
Sent: Monday, January 31, 2005 2:51 PM
To: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: This mail was deleted without being read because the recepientthought there was not much sensible content and also there were too many Warnings in the mail.

Regards,
Content manager
XXXXX BTC

-----Original Message-----
From: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Sent: Monday,31. January 2005 10:16
To: Nair,Arun
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: Contents of this mail were accidentally deleted for no validreason. Any attempt to retreive the same, might cause serious injuries.

Regards,
Content manager
Satyam

-----Original Message-----
From: Nair,Arun
Sent: Monday, January 31, 2005 2:28 PM
To: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: Contents of this mail were deleted because the recepient only accepts mails which are above 100 lines with non repetitive and intelligible content.

Cheers,
Content manager
XXXXX BTC

-----Original Message-----
From: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Sent: Monday,31. January 2005 09:54
To: Nair,Arun
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: Contents of this mail were deleted because i pressed the 'Delete'button by mistake!
Sorry,
Content manager
Satyam

-----Original Message-----
From: Nair,Arun
Sent: Monday, January 31, 2005 2:16 PM
To: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: Contents of this mail were deleted because of too many ASCIIsymbols being used in the mail.

Regards,
Content manager
XXXXXX BTC

-----Original Message-----
From: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Sent: Monday,31. January 2005 09:39
To: Nair,Arun
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: Content of the this mail was deleted because it was unsuitable foraudience below the age of 18.

Regards,
Content manager
Satyam

-----Original Message-----
From: Nair,Arun
Sent: Monday, January 31, 2005 2:06 PM
To: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Subject: RE: Good morning...

Warning: Contents of this mail were deleted because it contained foullanguage and dirty words.

Regards,
Content manager
XXXXX BTC

-----Original Message-----
From: Harsha_Lakshminarayanan
Sent: Monday,31. January 2005 09:33
To: Nair,Arun
Subject: Good morning...

Hi,

Warning: The content of this mail has been deleted because the mail was too long.

Regards,
Content manager
Satyam

Chala Murari Onsite Hero Banane

2005-07-18T23:12:00.000+04:00

The blogger was selected after a grilling interview to go Onsite to Switzerland... Find below the extracts of the Journey...

Journey .... bon voyage

i come to know at 2:45 on a sunny bangalore afternoon that i have to fly to Swiss on that day itself ... so i hurriedly rush home .. pack my bags and left home ... and i get into the cab ...
the cab driver asks me what time is the flight .... and looo .. i realise the first mistake .... FORGOT MY WATCH ... ya in a hurry i had forgotten my watch... a watch which my parents had gifted me when i got into Engg College..
then i reach airport ... check in .. then viola .. after entering the flight i realise second blunder ... i forgot my Blazer and winter jacket at the security ...
aiyoooo .... asked the jet guys could anything be done abt it .... frankly Satyam tag might have helped ...
they shipped the blazer by the next flight ... jacket stands lost ... ya it was my friends jacket ... Ranga man... i owe you one...
then a good friend of mine had told me that u should pack something before getting inside the international terminal at Chennai .... So i saw a tapri .. most of the things were expensive .. hmmm ... the cheapest item was .. well u guessed it rite .. Porota Kurma ... yummy me thought ... was just 21/- .. packed it .. went to check in ... stood in the Queue (this incident occurs very much frequently ....so henceforth will be referred as '1' ..) Femme Fatale at the Lufthansa counter ... Babe she was ... one look... and there i was flat ... she looked at me .. then at the luggage .. kabhi idhar .. kabhi udhar ... then she said those three golden words ... UR LUGGAGE(read cabin baggage) is HEAVY ... i felt hell break loose .... well technically speaking i carried only 12 kgs... my roommate , colleague and good friend amit had carried 14 Kgs ... hmmm ... in full public view i had to open both the suitcases .. transfer all the ready to mix (for the non-bangaloreans, read MTR ready to eat) from cabin baggage to check-in one ... brought the wt back to 7.6 kgs .. wow .. what an achievement ... : ) ... femme fatale though was not very impressed i guess ... bcos she did not ask for my phone number !!!!!!
well the journey does not end .. now at the immigration check . .... 1 .... (i told i will be using short forms for ease of prose ...) ... after at ten minutes ... in whole public view i did that .. yeah ... i did that ... dropped the porota korma on the floor ... pachakkk .. whole floor was dirty ... i was the centre of attraction... f*** (sorry no offence intended) ... very embrassing .... later check is over .. thankfully there were no problems (though his event is very infrequent it will still be coded as '2' ...)... i still do not understand why here everything went smooth ... : ) ... customs check ... 2.... airport security check .. 2 ... flight ...2. ... frankfurt ... well ... flight landed at 7:45 .. next flight was at 8:05 ... aha ... u will understand the significance of this statement later .... frankfurt is a huge airport .. finally found the terminal ... and the flight ... the flight was not particularly very interesting .. the flight had a not so good looking air hostess ... reached Geneva ... on time ... then check out .. 2 .. security clearance ... 2 .... then i stand at the baggage place .. BAGGAGE LOST ... well then found a gora.. well the gora did not understand the queens language.. so had to use actions... BAG.. LOST..!!! .. asked him what to do ... again went to lufthansa counter .. 1 .... filled forms ... was given assurance that the baggage wiill be delivered to hotel ... at night .. reached hotel somehow ... checked in ..2 ... well its not so 2 actually .. bcos femme fatale at reception did not understand english ...
finally called office .. they said i have to be in office ... thanks to Aradhya who told me step by step procedure to reach office ... well the funny part ......... Yakalaspur told me keep a set in cabin baggage .. had a blazer ... thank god .. well tie .. shirt ... blazer ... and SPORT SHOES ... The client Lead for the Project was stunned seeing me ... ahhhhhhhh .....

Thats all folks !!! .. More in second Post ;)